Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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