is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
