Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
