boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
