Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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