Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
