It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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