We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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