So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
