Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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