Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
