So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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