I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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