wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
