so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
