it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
