Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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