I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
