I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
