I wish you could order shots online.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
