Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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