Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
