I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
