hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
