your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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