WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
