So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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