Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
