Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
