Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
