you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
