Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
