Porn is love you can see.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
