Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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