Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
