"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
