Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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