Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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