Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
