I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
