i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't notice because vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
