Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize