What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
