In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
