if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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