WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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