I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
