I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
