why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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