Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
