either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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