I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
