I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
