she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
