Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
