dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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