Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
