Betty ford says i'm here all night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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