oh god the rape fog is back!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
