My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
