sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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