I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
