Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
