Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize