I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
