Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
