he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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