Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
