threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
