can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
